Archive for September, 2010

Jill: “I come from an island. It’s called island of hearts and it’s surrounded by the sea of intuition. The days are short and the nights are even shorter. Every dawn, a fresh breeze blows away the static thoughts and the dead ideas…Mmm, it’s nice”

Jack: “I come from planet earth and my people are stubborn and set in their ways. Our ideas don’t float in on a breeze. We plant them in the ground and watch them grow into big a** tree with their big a** roots. I eat dreamers for breakfast”

___________________________

Jill: “Life’s too short. You gotta do what makes you happy.

Jack: “The thing is…people don’t know what makes them happy. They think they know because we tell them. Real happiness is bad for sale”

Jill: “Are you happy?”

Jack: “Uh, happiness is overrated”

(after a while)

Jill: “I want to climb a tree, wanna come? it’s fun!”

Jack: “Uh, fun is overrated” ..(after a while) “What are you doing?”

Jill: “It’s called holding hands. It’s something people do to show affection”

Jack: “Uh…holding hands is…”

Jill: “overrated? but you’re doing it anyway”

_____________________________

Jill: “Why are you so mean to this? (She’s referring to alarm clock that looks like it has been smashed)

Jack: “Time is a construct, Jill. Some Roman dude took it upon himself to measure shadows and then the rest of the world is bound by these little ticks. But, is it accurate? Hmm…when you’re having fun, time flies, right? but when you stuck in traffic, it stands still. So, is it infinite or completely limited? It’s both! But that piece of junk just sits there and ticks…ticks…ticks…

Jill: “Well, I wish it would just stand still”

Jack: “It can’t. Time is the enemy. We age, we wrinkle, we die. Anyone who tells you different is living in a fairytale”

Jill: “Then, let’s live in a fairytale”

Jack: “I have to work…”

Jill: “Oh rule number 2…believe in fairytale (Rule no 1 is Be Honest)…Whoa! did you just kiss me? (Jack was literally kissing Jill)

Jack: “No I didn’t”

Jill: “Then, what was that?”

Jack: “That was….that …was…a peck!”

_______________________________________

Jack: “Here, read this”

Jill: “Okay…- “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal and that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness”. Right…so?

Jack: “So…it doesn’t make sense! You can’t pursue happiness. I mean, if it read – you have the gift to pursue your dreams and God willing, that make you happy….that I could buy!”

Jill: “Semantics”

Jack: “No..no…no…no…no! It’s philosophy. Happiness is intangible – an emotion. You can’t pursue it!”

Jill: “Ok, so..you are saying that one of our core values is flawed?”

Jack: “It’s exactly what I’m saying!”

Jill: “Ok…so rule number 6 would be….”

Jack: “Abandon the pursuit of happiness and its false promise” (Rule no 3 is accept time as your friend and not your enemy; rule no 4 is make sure the “nookies” good; rule no 5 is promote beauty – wage a sustained campaign against ugliness; and rule no 7 is show compassion).

___________________________________

Jack: “Let’s take something on”. Coffee…fair trade coffee…let’s do something for those guys”

George: “I don’t have time to dream of fancy campaign for fair trade coffee”

Jack: “Why not?”

George: “Cause Jack…I’m not Mr. Bachelor. I work hard! and when I’m not working hard, I’m spending time with my wife”

Jack: (Scoffs)

George: “Don’t scoff at me…you’re not better than me!”

___________________________________

George: “How’s it coming? anything good? Hmm…”Doop and do it, A little doop will do ya” see…that’s good.

Jack: “Right? it’s classic!”

George: “Dive in the doop…that’s not bad” “Oh this is good…Doop it and poop it, big doop, bigger poop” “Oh, and this one…Doopy Doopy do, who f**** cares? “Great! it’s coming along nicely!”

Jack: (clicks a pen)

Wini, December 2009

Having another morning, another evening in which you walked through my dreams like you own them.
And perhaps you do.

And after I have woken up, put my clothes on, and walked around to start my day, there’s always intense feeling of wanting to see you, touch you, and kiss you
So much of my life today I owe to you. Do you remember the first time we kissed and touched? We must have known it was coming, we must have felt the inevitability of getting closer and closer. When we touched and kissed for the first time, I felt like the electric shock of feeling you completely of me was like lightning inside of my stomach which I never had before. It began the period of my life where you woke me up, taught me how to live and how to love in a whole different perspective…whole new meaning. And it still does.

This letter is just one of the ways for me to say thank you. The seasons spent with you taught me more about myself than I had ever thought possible. Despite a lifetime of secrets and lies, I have learned how to tell you the truth about anything and everything. And I have learned that you wanted to hear it. Sometimes it is hard-it’s not easy to always tell someone the truth, even at risk of hurting their feelings. But it is so important for me to do so, to tell you everything, to let you in, that once I started telling you everything in my heart, head, and hands I never want to look back.

Thank you for always letting me teasing you, tickling you. For knowing how much I extravagantly like chicken feet and not raising one of your eye brows even a bit. Thank you for loving me just the way you are, just the way I am. Thank you for always worrying about my safety and happiness. For making where I came from and who I am. Thank you for having me, holding me, caressing me, and so caring to me. Thank you for giving me the best moment in my life, the stuff that most people only dream about but that I get to have.

Thank you for telling me all the secrets you had, for dusting out the cobwebs in your soul and taking a chance. Thank you for your stubbornness sometimes – it meets perfectly with mine. Thank you for letting me to cook for you, feed you and tuck you in. Thank you for putting your hand in the small of my back as we crossed the street. For making sure that I’m always feeling alright. For the compassionate words you have written me and also laugh, smiles, and joys you have shared into my life every day even when I just had the worst day. And for your face lighting up every time you see me, every time I’m running to your arms.
Thank you for being the love of my life, my greatest passion, and my dearest best friend. I miss you every day. And to be honest, I would give absolutely anything that I could give to put happiness into your life.

This last paragraph might make you flinched a bit but I have to say it. Please, promise me to tell me honestly if I’m no longer the source of your happiness. It might be bitter but honesty indeed is always the best policy. You might be a little upset to me of bringing this worst scenario onto the table. However, all I wanted to say is that we both know how it feels to get hurt. We both know how it painfully feels to not being able to trust. We both know how it feels to live our laughs with overwhelming anger, sadness, skepticism, and disappointment. I can’t imagine myself of losing you…I hardly imagine that and it’s so hard to have that in my mind…I don’t want to. But, it’s more painful of not being able to see your smiles and feel your joy with my existence. One thing I can promise you that I will always try my best to have this feeling to be evergreen. Nonetheless, I want to learn to love you by giving you wings, not taking out ones.

I love you with the very heart I have and will always do,

Wini,

Athens,
Spring 2009

See, I don’t wish you ill will. I don’t want you to hurt. I’ve moved past you and on with my life. There was a time I sought revenge and wished you ill, but I don’t anymore. Now, I just want you out of my life. I don’t hurt for you anymore. I’m not angry anymore. I’m not sad, not upset, not worried, not bothered… I simply… don’t… care.

And I didn’t have to do a thing to make that happen.

I have learned the hardest way but it’s all so worth it!

I’m not happy you’re hurting, but I don’t hurt for you. I’m not taking pleasure in your pain, but I’m not feeling pain for or with you.

So did I write this letter to gloat, brag about how good my life is? NO!

I wrote this letter because I want to thank you. I want to thank you for treating me so horribly that I could recognize, truly treasure, when someone came along who treats me good. I want to thank you for leaving, so that I was free to choose to love when he did come along. I want to thank you for being strong enough or stupid enough to walk away when I was not strong enough to do so for myself.

I also want to thank you for giving me back my faith in the universe. I’ve always been told that you reap what you sow, that what goes around comes around, that what you put out there comes back to you multiplied.

It does!

Now I move forward firm in the knowledge that I will get my due, reaping a harvest of love, faith, generosity and gratitude.

life is completely short…pain and sorrow might come and go again. Yet, I just don’t want to hate…anymore…no more

I did forgive you,

Athens, Ohio
Spring 2009

   

You came after me four years later
You taught me first about the art of sharing my life
You have been very patience of being my little sister
Even with my most annoying behavior…you are standing still and loving me always
For that…I can’t thank you enough!

Years after years
Time after time
Through all of that ups and downs in life
I’ve seen you growing up and having to acknowledge your amazing self discovery

I still remember those times
when you were so little
Those times when you demanded nothing but instant noodles, crackers, and sweet soy ketchup
For every single thing you ate (and eat actually up until now ;))
Otherwise, you would refuse to eat!

I still remember those times
When you learned about how to identify time and day (and mixed them all up sometimes)
When you learned about money and number counting
Or when you could be so nervous (and had fever or cold) right before big testing day at school

Few year later…Dawson’s Creek got into your age-phase…and dazzled every time you talked about it!
Ah…you were such a sweet but rather quiet teen..Yet, so full of spirit inside.

I probably missed your most precious moments a lot
But I’m not gonna miss this!
This very moment…The moment when you are about to graduate
God! I’m so sorry….but I still can’t let you go as my lil sister…you are always this cute little sister to me (No matter how old you are going to be)

You are going to look so gorgeous on that cap and gown sister!
Even though I can’t literally be there with you but my soul is gonna be there!

I still can’t believe that it is now about time for you to enter a new world
A real jungle…a real struggle
A world where you are going to learn the actual knowledge of the knowledge
A world where it transforms you into the a mature woman…a true being
A world where struggles are the very recipe to the beauty of survival

Ah…your standing hair as you were a baby now has beautifully decorated your beauty
You are a wonderful, smart, and beautiful young lady
Yo have grown a lot…more than I could ever think you would be
Your very adventure is now about to start…and remember…the sky is the limit!

I’m so proud of you just the way you are sista!
Even though sometimes I still want the baby figure of you
So that I could hold and baby sit you…rarely things I did when you were such a little baby
Ah! I just missed that moment

Big day sista…big day!
A stair to the future…A key to success and happiness
Be prepared to open that door with every wisdom in your soul
And…
I wish you the best for everything in your life

Happy graduation my sweet …sweet little sista!
You have officially been handed the key to your very own future

Embrace it with smile and passion!
Once again…Congratulation to you my sweetest little sista!

Carpe Diem!
Cheers to you! (Vitamin C “Graduation – Mode ON)

BY. Pratiwi Wini Artati – proud sister

It’s about time, I think, I might have to let this go now while it’s still beautiful

Once again, I’m failing. I’m failing to be the one who is supposed to catch you when you fall
I’m failing to be the one who is supposed to be able to make you see how special you are
I’m failing to be the one who is supposed to hold your hands when they are trembling
I’m failing to be the one who is supposed to be able to ease your mind when you find everything goes wrong
I’m failing to be the one who is supposed to be able to show you there’s more to life
I’m failing to be the one who is supposed to be able to make you feel that life is actually very kind to you

The thing is…can I still be falling in love with you even though I know I have been failing?

You’re not my first love but definitely, you are the best thing that has ever happened in my life – and that is more than just first love
You might not be the one who would like to be the ocean to my ship but clearly you have given me a chance, once again, to set sail in the wide open ocean

I don’t know whether you know it or not, that you have made me trusting
You have made me loving
You have made me caring
You have made me feeling
You have made me hoping
You have made dreaming
You have made my tears have more meaning than just tears

All those things above that I thought I wasn’t capable of doing anymore
You have made me see me with new sight
And for that, I owe you my whole life!

I might lose the privilege of having you but I hope I can still have the privilege of knowing you
I might lose the privilege of the special-you but I hope I can still have the privilege of you as a dear friend
That’s because I need to make sure that I will have the opportunity, once again, to hear from you that life has been very kind to you. I need that…can I?
Once you do, I’ll be the happiest person I can be on earth
and that…at least one of the things I can do as a friend

You see…you can go on without me but you can’t go on without you yourself
Therefore, with or without me, I sincerely hope that you can finally see the bigger picture of yourself – that you are more than you think you are: there’s more life in you, there’s more love in you…to share, to cherish…

Don’t you worry…I’ll be okay
I’ll fall apart…I’ll be sad…I’ll be burst into tears…I’ll be crushed…in a different way…but, I’ll be okay
And I think that’s just part of the process that I have to feel…once again, with a whole different meaning.

If I could just ask you for a favor…please don’t be too hard on yourself
There’s nothing or no one to blame
Nobody is perfect, and even if we can’t perfect each other’s life, that’s okay too
All I know…all I understand is that you have tried your best as much as I have…and that’s more than enough

Everything is open to possibility and miracle does happen every day
I hope you can still find it, reach it, and embrace it

For you to know, even it’s hard…hardest as ever letting you go…but my heart is not broken
and my heart is not wounded
I love you so much that hurt will not affect me any longer
I love you so much that treasuring you is the only thing I can feel
I love you so much that I don’t feel I’m wasting my tears away for nothing
I love you so much that my sadness is nothing compared to how much you have tried your best to love me
You have made me love you with my selfishness not to be included – which I never thought I could possibly be doing

The way you have lived your life has touched my heart
The way you have struggled has left a strong imprint into my soul
I can’t be more grateful to have a chance to love you

Trust me, you are special…and you are one of a kind
I don’t regret this and I will never do…even though it has to end

If it wasn’t because of you, I would have not had the capability of loving you this way
It is what it is…we might probably not engineered for this…and that’s okay
As you said, neither of us can foresee the future…I’d say, let’s at least, envision the future to be bright for our own path

For this, I feel that I have the need to apologize for everything I said and done that might hurt you
For this, I feel that I have the need to thank you for your courage and honesty
No matter what happens, I don’t want to see those clouds hanging in your thoughts and feelings anymore – I want the sunshine in you back to shine upon you

Things might come and go
Things might change
Don’t lose hope
Don’t cast away everything that’s good and beautiful in this life

It took me forever to ever finally meet you
but
It took me only one moment to finally see that you’re the gift of my life

Thus, what we have had, even though it has to end, will be everlastingly kept in my heart

I loved you once, a beautiful memory as part of me growing up
And for that…
Forever thank you is all what I have for you
Wini

Jakarta, December 1, 2009

Sometimes I’m wondering why was it so difficult to choose and decide to be happy way back then, all I could feel was solely conditional happiness. Conditional happiness is happiness that appears with so many strings attached to it such as “I’ll be happy when…I’ll be happy if…I’ll be happy unless…” It was hard to be happy back in the days of my life because I had to wait for all of these strings to determine my happiness that all I got was I’ll be instead of I am. It was funny that I used to fear of being happy at maximum level, knowing that I’ll be sent maximum level of sadness as the price I had to pay later.

So much lighter now knowing that happiness is actually as simple as dandelion pollen flown in the air. I’m now learning that true happiness comes with no strings – without when-if-unless. True happiness is feeling that I am instead of I will. The sadness or bad luck parts are actually not the deterrents of me being happy. All bad stuff that happen to me are all actually the panels to the solar cell of my happiness – when the panels are cold, it reminds me to recharge, resoak, and reenergize. Yes, just like that. I’ll never let my panels put me away from my sun. I’ll learn to use it in a way that they reconcile me with my nature of mind and soul.

Of couse all of the worldly material stuff are needed but they are just routines. They are not the underlined keys. All I have to do is simply not putting underlines to those routines to either determine my happiness or liberate my soul.

Enjoying the NOW is what I’m learning and feeling the unconditional happiness is what I’m heading towards to. This is my bucket list and I’m going to make the most of it to leave this world as unconditionally happy as I live it because IN THE END, what will LIBERATE me as a soul are not my degree, my money, my success, my prestige, my status, or anything…IN THE END, good memories and feelings in my life are the underlined keys to liberate my soul.

Every now and then, I’m just trying to be human. However, it interests me more to try being unconditionally happy human being. Not easy that is…but hey, I’m having my bucket list.

Mommy, thank you for your endless prayers. I am happy now…as happy as you’ve always wished me the best for.

Washington DC, Spring 2010

I just realized about how I feel every time I fly above the ground, on duties. The thing I used to take for granted. The thing that now makes me feel so proud of my own country, Indonesia:

Indonesia is a huge archipelagic country extending 5,120 kilometers from east to west and 1,760 kilometers from north to south. It encompasses 13,667 islands (some sources say as many as 18,000), only 6,000 of which are inhabited. There are five main islands (Sumatra, Java, Kalimantan, Sulawesi, and Irian Jaya/Papua), two major archipelagos (Nusa Tenggara and the Maluku Islands), and sixty smaller archipelagos. Two of the islands are shared with other nations; Kalimantan (known in the colonial period as Borneo, the world’s third largest island) is shared with Malaysia and Brunei, and Irian Jaya shares the island of New Guinea with Papua New Guinea. Indonesia’s total land area is 1,919,317 square kilometers. Included in Indonesia’s total territory is another 93,000 square kilometers of inlands seas (straits, bays, and other bodies of water). The additional surrounding sea areas bring Indonesia’s generally recognized territory (land and sea) to about 5 million square kilometers. The government, however, also claims an exclusive economic zone, which brings the total to about 7.9 million square kilometers (http://countrystudies.us/indonesia/).

One more thing, again and again, something that we, Indonesians, are taking it for granted: unity in diversity. Every time I’m thinking of it. It’s just so amazing being in a country that can go side by side in harmony despite the diversity of religion, language, customs and tradition, and also culture. Thousands of islands, thousands of regional languages, millions of people with different religion, customs, tradition, and culture. If it wasn’t because of our strongest nationality nurtured for so long, we would never be able to still standing as a country now.

Again, I am proud to be an Indonesian. I am proud to be born and raised as an Indonesian. I am honored to have the legacy for being an Indonesian.

Wini, July, 2010
Jayapura – Papua

Pluralism isn’t something new for me. I’ve been facing it upfront since I was little. I got used to the environment where my cousins recite Quran. I got used to the environment where my friends are lighting up their prayers in front of their god and goddess. I got used to the serenity of temples and mosques. I got used to discuss things with both believers and non believers.

I’ve been exposed to the beauty of differences for what’s worth. My maternal grandparents are Catholics. My paternal grandparents are Moslems. My mom and my late dad were married as Christians by the heart and I was baptized since I was 1 year old. In the end, my late dad left, remarried, and died as a Moslem. Last time I saw him, he was at peace. To my own struggle of faith, being baptized since I was little doesn’t make it easier for me. Frankly speaking, there were times in my life where I had doubts towards what I believe in. Those were rough times but I finally get through it. I’m not saying that it’s easy now. It’s not. In fact, it’s getting more challenging as I grow older and the world is getting weirder each and every day. The difference now is that I have better ability to identify my inner voice and thoughts rather distinctively. It helps me a lot in believing as well as rationalizing myself and the world around me. It is indeed true that what we believe in depends on how this very personal gift touches ours and what has touched our lives may be different from others.

(more…)