For most years of my life, I didn’t have my father to guide, protect, or be by my side when I needed him. However, I have an incredible mother all the way. Di tengah segala keterbatasan yg ada, she has tried to raise me the best she can. Besides my grandmother, she is the one who never stops believing in me. I used to curse the world for the things that did not follow through my plan. She has taught me patience & the value of process over a mere outcome. For those who have crossed path with me within my adulthood phase usually find it hard to believe that I was once, a person who easily got offended & was extremely defensive. I used to shout in saying things sak penak’e dewe. I was once, an incredibly competitive person, overtly ambitious, & couldn’t admit defeat. I saw everything as a battlefield & boy, how tiring the life felt everyday.
My mother has been the one who “teaches by examples”. Through her, I’ve learned to confront my own devil and “tame” it. Through her, I’ve learned how to be honest living my life as me. Being honest to myself is one of the hardest lessons in my life cause I liked to play pretend to cover up the anger, sadness, & vengeance I felt. It has taken years to finally look at myself in the mirror & just be honest with myself.
Mama saya, once told me something;”Ndhuk, dimanapun kamu berada & dgn siapapun bergaul, dirimulah yg harus berusaha menyesuaikan. Jgn sekali2 sombong & menuntut siapapun utk menyesuaikan diri denganmu, tapi tetaplah mjd dirimu apa adanya & siramilah akar budayamu setiap wkt dgn pembelajaranmu dlm hidup. Jangan lupa asal-usulmu. Setiap org adlh “guru” mu. Teladani yg baik, buang yg buruk. Apapun yg Tuhan ijinkan utk terjadi dalam hidupmu, percayalah itu adlh bagian dari rencana terbaikNya”. Dan itu mjd pegangan hidup saya sampai sekarang. Make no mistake. Terkadang masih sering stumble & fall. Tapi pesan beliau ini yg membuat semangat & harapan saya kembali tumbuh. Just like others, my life is not without mistakes, problems and issues.Yet, these are all priceless lessons; of taking chances, facing consequences, & learning to deal with them instead of having denial & running away – adulting life😊
Welcoming Spring in Wellington, NZ
30 September 2019