A Thank you letter to the present; I’m willing to lose as much as I’m willing to win

Having another morning, another evening in which you walked through my dreams like you own them.
And perhaps you do.

And after I have woken up, put my clothes on, and walked around to start my day, there’s always intense feeling of wanting to see you, touch you, and kiss you
So much of my life today I owe to you. Do you remember the first time we kissed and touched? We must have known it was coming, we must have felt the inevitability of getting closer and closer. When we touched and kissed for the first time, I felt like the electric shock of feeling you completely of me was like lightning inside of my stomach which I never had before. It began the period of my life where you woke me up, taught me how to live and how to love in a whole different perspective…whole new meaning. And it still does.

This letter is just one of the ways for me to say thank you. The seasons spent with you taught me more about myself than I had ever thought possible. Despite a lifetime of secrets and lies, I have learned how to tell you the truth about anything and everything. And I have learned that you wanted to hear it. Sometimes it is hard-it’s not easy to always tell someone the truth, even at risk of hurting their feelings. But it is so important for me to do so, to tell you everything, to let you in, that once I started telling you everything in my heart, head, and hands I never want to look back.

Thank you for always letting me teasing you, tickling you. For knowing how much I extravagantly like chicken feet and not raising one of your eye brows even a bit. Thank you for loving me just the way you are, just the way I am. Thank you for always worrying about my safety and happiness. For making where I came from and who I am. Thank you for having me, holding me, caressing me, and so caring to me. Thank you for giving me the best moment in my life, the stuff that most people only dream about but that I get to have.

Thank you for telling me all the secrets you had, for dusting out the cobwebs in your soul and taking a chance. Thank you for your stubbornness sometimes – it meets perfectly with mine. Thank you for letting me to cook for you, feed you and tuck you in. Thank you for putting your hand in the small of my back as we crossed the street. For making sure that I’m always feeling alright. For the compassionate words you have written me and also laugh, smiles, and joys you have shared into my life every day even when I just had the worst day. And for your face lighting up every time you see me, every time I’m running to your arms.
Thank you for being the love of my life, my greatest passion, and my dearest best friend. I miss you every day. And to be honest, I would give absolutely anything that I could give to put happiness into your life.

This last paragraph might make you flinched a bit but I have to say it. Please, promise me to tell me honestly if I’m no longer the source of your happiness. It might be bitter but honesty indeed is always the best policy. You might be a little upset to me of bringing this worst scenario onto the table. However, all I wanted to say is that we both know how it feels to get hurt. We both know how it painfully feels to not being able to trust. We both know how it feels to live our laughs with overwhelming anger, sadness, skepticism, and disappointment. I can’t imagine myself of losing you…I hardly imagine that and it’s so hard to have that in my mind…I don’t want to. But, it’s more painful of not being able to see your smiles and feel your joy with my existence. One thing I can promise you that I will always try my best to have this feeling to be evergreen. Nonetheless, I want to learn to love you by giving you wings, not taking out ones.

I love you with the very heart I have and will always do,


Spring 2009


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