Beautiful as it is, thank you

Posted: September 6, 2010 in Personal-Me
Tags: , , , ,

It’s about time, I think, I might have to let this go now while it’s still beautiful

Once again, I’m failing. I’m failing to be the one who is supposed to catch you when you fall
I’m failing to be the one who is supposed to be able to make you see how special you are
I’m failing to be the one who is supposed to hold your hands when they are trembling
I’m failing to be the one who is supposed to be able to ease your mind when you find everything goes wrong
I’m failing to be the one who is supposed to be able to show you there’s more to life
I’m failing to be the one who is supposed to be able to make you feel that life is actually very kind to you

The thing is…can I still be falling in love with you even though I know I have been failing?

You’re not my first love but definitely, you are the best thing that has ever happened in my life – and that is more than just first love
You might not be the one who would like to be the ocean to my ship but clearly you have given me a chance, once again, to set sail in the wide open ocean

I don’t know whether you know it or not, that you have made me trusting
You have made me loving
You have made me caring
You have made me feeling
You have made me hoping
You have made dreaming
You have made my tears have more meaning than just tears

All those things above that I thought I wasn’t capable of doing anymore
You have made me see me with new sight
And for that, I owe you my whole life!

I might lose the privilege of having you but I hope I can still have the privilege of knowing you
I might lose the privilege of the special-you but I hope I can still have the privilege of you as a dear friend
That’s because I need to make sure that I will have the opportunity, once again, to hear from you that life has been very kind to you. I need that…can I?
Once you do, I’ll be the happiest person I can be on earth
and that…at least one of the things I can do as a friend

You see…you can go on without me but you can’t go on without you yourself
Therefore, with or without me, I sincerely hope that you can finally see the bigger picture of yourself – that you are more than you think you are: there’s more life in you, there’s more love in you…to share, to cherish…

Don’t you worry…I’ll be okay
I’ll fall apart…I’ll be sad…I’ll be burst into tears…I’ll be crushed…in a different way…but, I’ll be okay
And I think that’s just part of the process that I have to feel…once again, with a whole different meaning.

If I could just ask you for a favor…please don’t be too hard on yourself
There’s nothing or no one to blame
Nobody is perfect, and even if we can’t perfect each other’s life, that’s okay too
All I know…all I understand is that you have tried your best as much as I have…and that’s more than enough

Everything is open to possibility and miracle does happen every day
I hope you can still find it, reach it, and embrace it

For you to know, even it’s hard…hardest as ever letting you go…but my heart is not broken
and my heart is not wounded
I love you so much that hurt will not affect me any longer
I love you so much that treasuring you is the only thing I can feel
I love you so much that I don’t feel I’m wasting my tears away for nothing
I love you so much that my sadness is nothing compared to how much you have tried your best to love me
You have made me love you with my selfishness not to be included – which I never thought I could possibly be doing

The way you have lived your life has touched my heart
The way you have struggled has left a strong imprint into my soul
I can’t be more grateful to have a chance to love you

Trust me, you are special…and you are one of a kind
I don’t regret this and I will never do…even though it has to end

If it wasn’t because of you, I would have not had the capability of loving you this way
It is what it is…we might probably not engineered for this…and that’s okay
As you said, neither of us can foresee the future…I’d say, let’s at least, envision the future to be bright for our own path

For this, I feel that I have the need to apologize for everything I said and done that might hurt you
For this, I feel that I have the need to thank you for your courage and honesty
No matter what happens, I don’t want to see those clouds hanging in your thoughts and feelings anymore – I want the sunshine in you back to shine upon you

Things might come and go
Things might change
Don’t lose hope
Don’t cast away everything that’s good and beautiful in this life

It took me forever to ever finally meet you
but
It took me only one moment to finally see that you’re the gift of my life

Thus, what we have had, even though it has to end, will be everlastingly kept in my heart

I loved you once, a beautiful memory as part of me growing up
And for that…
Forever thank you is all what I have for you
Wini

Jakarta, December 1, 2009

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s