Part of the questions explored in the Men Studies I don’t get from school: Are Gentlemen, nowadays, close to extinction? What makes a man a gentleman? Why men (not all) lately are so insensitive, lack of manner and boosting up their ego and selfishness too much here and there with lack of consideration towards others? Personally speaking, only the few whom I’d say are real gentlemen: as a husband now (of course; he is the most gentleman of all. The one whom I finally married to after a very long harsh and broken heart), as friends, as a boyfriend, as ex(es), as best friends, or even acquaintances.
Regrading young men now, especially in the big city I am living in, They seem too be busy with toys on their hands and their ears. Sometimes, I am thinking, do they use those toys as an excuse to just not care with the environment around them?
I know that we are not perfect but I think we need to keep the real thing real, such as simple and good attitudes. From variety of resources, understanding, perspectives, experiences, and observations, I believe with all my heart that being a man does not always make a man a gentleman. It is important to state here that being a gentleman is not just about wearing bespoke suits made by international or most expensive brands, the ability to knot ties in variety of ways; it’s also not about owning the latest car, electronic toys or being moneyed. Being gentleman is mostly behavioral. Being a gentleman is about treating people right, not just to us, ladies. It’s also about the cultural values. The more cultured you are, the more accommodating you are with people.
A gentleman should not treat women shabbily. Real gentlemen understand that everyone is equal before God, whether male and female. He also understands that women are not as privileged in society as men are, so he gives them respect. This does not mean he bows or worships them; but he understands their disadvantages and seeks to compensate them. Being a gentleman is also about showing integrity; a gentleman will deliver on what he promises.
A gentleman does not parade himself. Gentlemen are very circumspect, not boastful. A real gentleman will never attempt to show off to others the number of cars he possess or the number of houses he has built. Simply, a gentleman is not “in your face” as many people (or should I say, men) do nowadays. Some of old-fashioned-good manners that are forgettable nowadays – saying please and thank you, holding open doors, standing up when someone enters the room, asking questions of others rather than talking about oneself, ensuring to give appropriate compliments and so on.
One thing for sure, privilege and private education do not automatically confer gentlemanly status. So, please guys…from now on, be not just a man, but a real gentleman!
PS. My perspective might be bias and very subjective because of my gender. Yet, I am just trying to be honest without any intention of discrediting anyone or anything.
For this, please, pardon my subjectivity 😉
Wini, Jakarta, 2012