Agree to disagree; disagree to agree. Let it be.

Posted: June 14, 2010 in Personal-Me
Tags: , , ,

I have been told that I’m broken in some way and I’m less of a woman because I’m not yet there in saying “I do”.
I have been told that I’m only worth something as a woman, or thought of as a ‘complete’ woman, when I’m attached to a man, get married, and have children on my own.
I have been told that the aura of being single shows that I’m miserable and lonely and my life is tragic.
I have been told that it’s no use to stay single because my work won’t love me back and my eggs will dry up.

I have also been told by my single male buddies that people “discriminate” them for staying single, perceiving them as horny, slovenly, and irresponsible, and the scary criminals. Or sometimes are sexy, fastidious, frivolous, and gay.

I AGREE TO DISAGREE AND I DISAGREE TO AGREE FOR THOSE ABOVE

Well oh well, this time I have to agree with a social psychologist from Harvard that “this stigmatizing of people who are single—whether divorced, widowed, or ever single—is the twenty-first-century problem that has no name. I’ll call it singlism” (Bella DePaulo, PhD, 2007)

Marriage,to me personally, is a choice not an obligation. It is not something I would do just because people told me I’m running old.

To me as well, having sex, giving birth to a baby, is again, a choice – not an obligation that most people would agree that it will define your complete worth as a woman.

But wait, don’t get me wrong!

I’m not against marriage or singledom.
I’m not against masculinity or feminism.
I just believe in CHOICE and respect it as HUMAN’S RIGHTS as in compliance to other rights such as education, religion, voting, etc.
I’m not trying to prove anything here
I’m just trying to make a statement that LOVE, MARRIAGE, BABIES, SEX, and SINGLEDOM are RESPONSIBLE CHOICES – They are NOT DATELINES, ASSIGNMENT, PRESTIGE, COMPETITION or OBLIGATION: THEY’RE NOT BY DEFAULT.
And I RESPECT marriage as well as I respect singledom.
It’s not about singles know best or marrieds know best – nobody knows best! and even to know itself is a choice!

Different people different choices. Different choices means different times and preferences. Different times and preferences mean different priorities. And, there’s nothing wrong by having different priorities in life coz different people have different needs. And why would anyone think that his/her perfect needs would also fit to anyone else? Not necessarily! One could find certain choices and priorities to be perfect but others would find them perfect later on.

I’d say: I’m single and I’m having relationship BECAUSE I WANT TO BE and NOT because I have to be. For that, I, myself, will damn well CHOOSE when, and if, I want to end it.

Until I CHOOSE to end it and say “I do”, being single and in a relationship (but not yet saying I do) have given me the chance to create my own identity, reinvent it umpteen times, become comfortable with myself and focus on me and what it is that I REALLY REALLY want by means I will know what I want, what I can live with, what I can’t and be all the more prepared to commit myself to someone and have children (probably-definitely-maybe I don’t know when). In fact, I think I’m rather lucky to have had all this time with me. It’s pretty damn awesome.

I have been told many times that valentine’s day, love, happiness, marriage, and being in a relationship are overrated – too much. I have also been told that valentine’s day, happiness, marriage, and being relationship are underrated – too less. Now…that’s the sign of different preferences coming from different perspectives.

So that’s why I’m single for now. For my own good. I’m so damn happy about it. It’s my choice. So quit assuming me if you don’t want to get disappointed. Quit feeling sorry for me. Quit trying to ‘fix me.’ Focus on you and ask yourself WHY MY SINGLE STATUS MATTERS TO YOU (which I believe this is one of “cultural” ways of making a conversation). You might be surprised by the answer.

I am single and sometimes I’m singled out for unfair treatment by the workplace, by the society, by anyone/anyplace that sees it as a personal defect when it comes to defining a woman’s worth. But hey…it’s okay and believe it or not, I always respect anyone’s opinion about it and I don’t experience jealousy, loneliness, depressed, sad, or furious when it comes to it.

As for me, I’ve got me. I’m in love and I’ll be quite alright.

Wini
Washington DC,
Summer 2009

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